introvertie
Le talent ne compte pas,c'est la personne elle même qui faut aimer ,ce n'était pas une phrase que je connaissait il n'y a que peu de temps ,mais là le monde s'eclaircit ,le monde me prend par les pied et me secout ,je bascule ,je me reveille bien que la chose ne mémerveille pas .Non se reveiller et voir le monde de ce qu'il en est vraiment est une chose qui m'obligera a vivre ,a sortir de mon cocon de soie ,je suis trop sensible ,non je ne veux pas savoir ,souffrir est un mot que j'ai repousser trop longtemps selon l'extérieur.

Bien que je ne connaisse pas le sens du mot souffrance, je pleure de temps en temps .Mais ce n'est pas la vrai misère que je vis pendant ses moments là .J'ai tout le pain a la mie du monde ,,je pourrais aller n'importe ou dans le monde si bon me semblait .J'aurais pu accepter les mots doux que plusieurs m'ait offert ainsi que les lettres a la goutte d'eau de rose on ne peut les oublier ,de l'amour de la famille il m'en manque point et si par malheur celui qui pour le monde ne compte pour une personne mais que cette personne pour moi compte pour le monde entier n'accepte pas mon coeur ,serait je la affligé d'une telle tristesse que je retiendra mon dernier souffle?De toute façon qu'est ce qu'il a se fouttre de la mort prédestinée a une mocheté comme moi?Je pense même que sa ferait leurs affaires aux garçons,que j'arrête de les poursuivres .

Je ne connais pas souffrance ,mais qu'est ce la délivrance?Pourquoi ma tête s'enfle t-il de lugubre .Si la lugubrité avait une forme ,si elle avait un volume ,méme si elle avait un volume d'un grain de sable je croit que ma tête aurait depuis longtemps éclater de misère .Ma misère n'est peut être pas comparable a la faim ,la prison ou a l'orphelin mais je suis quand même noyée dans une certaine tristesse .Mon père dit que je suis une fille dans une bulle,chaque jour je me replie un peu plus sur moi même ,je suis coinçé dans mon petit monde rose ,le vrai monde n'existe pas .Il dit que je suis lache quand la vie me regarde de face.Il ne connait pas mes pensées,il ne connait pas ma vie (les lecteurs de pensées seuls me connaissent sous mon véritable visage)il ne sait pas a qui je parle ,a quoi je pense,qu'est ce qui parvient a fondre mon coeur de glace at me fait sourire .Je ne suis qu'une étrangère a ses yeux.Mais c'est celui qui me comprend le mieux .Il veux m'emmener a un hopital ou un truc du genre .Il croit que j'ai peut être un problème psychologique et avec mes tics nerveux son opinion ne s'amèliore guère .Au fond peut être je devrai juste me la fermer moi et ma gueule de beurre et accepter ce que le monde a a dire sur moi .Je crois que je vais laisser mon père m'emmener a l'hopital .

I saw le fabuleux destin d' Amelie Poulain with Renée the other day and frankly I liked it .I watched it like ten times over and over yesterday before giving it back and I cried ten times when she was daydreaming Nino ( her crush ) coming in her house and playing with the beads on the door (but then she turns around to only find it was her cat.)I cried though I knew she would end up with him .Because...Because (deep dark secret) I do that too *wahhhhh*.Yes pathetic thing I do when I like someone .I imagine him sneaking in my house and surprising me in my room when I'm least expecting it ,and then spend the rest of the night together.But that never happens to me.The boy is probably getting hit on by a pretty chick and doesn't even know I exist and I end up alone feeling sorry for myself .But then I'd hear the sound of a skateboard outside and my hopes would go way up and I'd look out of the window hoping to see him *he chose me over the pretty chick* but then seeing no one but an airplane in the sky I'd go back to whatever I was doing and feel sad. Yes I'm a dreamer ,I dream too much and I don't care if I'm introverted ,I can't live without my daydreams. Anyone who knows me very very well should know that I can't spend a day without dreaming once .*Sigh*.
I also liked the way Amélie gets her crush .It's somewhat romantic and if I had the chance I'd like to fall in love like that .Actually I'd just like to fall in love ,and being held tight by the boy of my dreams eveynight knowing he loves me too ...Sigh.

Wrote two new poems in my lyric section .

Have you ever loved somebody so much It make you cry ?
Have you ever needed something so bad .You can't sleep at night.

To Kk's request I shall update more frequently since she likes to read all the stupidities I have to say.Oh and I tryied your 123guestbook site and it didn't work! *o*

Have you ever tried to find the words .But they don't come out right?
Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad

So this is how sweet sixteen feels like .Karen says that once you turned 16 everything goes right .i guess It's true but in same time not so true .I mean shure I might of scored 100% in my math exam,put up the deco murale in the caf (finally),recently won a bottle of rhum,didn't get into trouble with my parents ,got a hundred bucks,learnt that I was going to Toronto this week end,DIDN"T INTO TROUBLE WITH MY PARENTS??But i think it's all a myth ,it's an illusion created by ppl to get young teens to look forward to...Happiness is not a place,an age ,a number ,a time ,a day ,a month ,a year ,a memory ,a person...It's something you create .Until you decide to be happy ,I think you'll stay sad .until you decide to move you'll stay put.Until you decide to find the solution you'll stay wih the problem ...argg so bad at expressing myself.But I try to.One day I will succeed mwahaha!
So you might be bad at being happy,it might be hard to be happy but keep trying .One day you'll wake up smiling! ^_^ *What a load of crap!*

You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you have had someone steal your heart away

I heard they have a blueberry pepsi...Sounds nasty but I want to try it .

You'd give anything to make them fell the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart

My brother is being cocky these past few days...I hope it's because of his school and not because he's conforming himself to his friends ways ,because then I'd be ashamed of him..Changing his personality to fit in..That is not the way of an artist .tsk tsk.

But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

I love you...Three words I absolutely love to hear but also hate .Makes no sense but that's how I feel about those words.It should only be employed when your serious about it .People these days ,toss it around so lightly .They can say that phrase with such ease it pisses me off .It ruins the effect (imagine your boyfriend tells you he loves you but you fnd out he says that to every girl he meets. *Don't you feel special.*)
It pisses me off that ppl could joke around with it .Don't make someone fall in love with you if your not going to catch them .I dunno maybe it's me ,maybe I take things to seriously ,I'm just a crazy freak that's looking for someone to confort her in her paranoia .

Have you ever loved someone so much
It's make you wanna cry

I'm leaving for Toronto soon ,I just came back from the bus stop with Sarah and we saw Ju...He was going to a baseball practise and as usual he was late so we couldn't get to talk to him much.I was hoping a baseball would hit his head but it didn't happen .Why cause he's one of those eazy phrase tossers I was talking about .He came to the star wars domination party and he played on the guitar while the others played green days *time of your life*.It was cool ,I wasn't expecting presents ,I'm glad although I didn't deserve all the attention .Then I got gifts ^_^,and I was reading cards and Ju came and said he didn't have a card and he improvised one (happy birthday Lorah ,I love you.) Right .Again ,don't say it if you don't mean it .

Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to you
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
What do I gotta do to get to you in my arms baby
What do I gotta do to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Coz baby I can't sleep

Oye Rosa it doesn't matter that you couldn't contact me on time for my birthday at least you remembered not like my dumb ass brother who still didn't wish me happy birthday yet...I wonder if he even knows...I doubt it .

I'm thinking of getting a new layout.This layout is too blue...

Haha kk tried to make me sing that *soon I will be over you* song in front of Juans pic. I couldn't even stare at it so I was singing to the next picture *Me*.Haha I'm so sad!
I heard that Max was going to Haiti and I'm not so shure I'm going to go .I'tl make me nostalagic and I'm sad when I am .I don't like being sad cus no one wants to be with me when I am .I think I'm capable to make a whole croud sad .I'm so depressing and over dramatic .

It was my birthday yesterday.

I miss ...I miss so many things I used to have. That's whats wrong with ppl!You only realise something is important to you until you lose it!
It's like summer .During winter I'm wishing for summer to come fast but when It's there ,I'm not thankful .Like right now! It's nice out,it's hot ,the grass is green the birds are chirping and I'm here inside the computer room ,where it's dark, it's cold ,I could hear the faint sound of my computer buzing(a sound I could hear all year long)and the walls of this room is pale green and have dirty inuit baby hand marks all over .I think I'm going out to skate now .

I heard there was a powerpuff girl movie comming out!Oyao!

This is the place where I sit,
This is the part where I love you too much
This is as hard as it gets,
Cus I'm tired of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me,Im yours you can hold me
I'm empty and aching ,I'm tumbling I'm falling .
Cus you don't see me,and you don't need me and you don't love me...
The way I wish you would....
The way I know you could.

I dream a world where you understand, but I dream a million sleepless nights
but I dream of fire when you touch my hand ,but it twists into smoke
when I turn on the lights.
I'm speechless and faded...It's too complicated.
Is this how the book ends?Nothing but good friends?
Cus you don't see me ,no you don't love me....the way I wish you would.
This is the place in my heart...This is the place where I'm falling apart.
Isn't it just where we met?And this is the last chance that I'll ever get.
Cristal and see through and not enough to you,
cus you don't need me,
cus you don't see me
and you don't love me.The way I wish you would.

what's your battle cry? |
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It's funny how a mere smile can brighten my day .No need to communicate ,no need to talk .Just a wordless conversation.It's funny how you can tell someone so many things within just three secounds without speaking...You could tell them you love/hate him/her just by the look in your eye.How much you miss being with them ,how much you can catch up with forgotten friends ,how you can turn fiends into friends,how you forget all the bad things the person put you threw and remember all the good times. *Sigh*
And it's funny how I could look into this one person's eyes without being intimadated...Like if I wanted to lose myself and escape the real world.Usually I can't stare into a person eyes for more than five seconds .It's something I was taught to not do. Each time I'd stare into my mothers eyes when I was little ,I would be punished,until I'd lower my eyes at her sight .It's impolite (not that I'm polite,it's more like a habit now) it's overpowering ,it's disgraceful.The only people I was aloud to stare at was people whom I considered my equals or people lower than me (never met someone lower than me).Yeah so when I love or respect a certain person as much as I love this person ,I usually lower my eyes .It's a sign of respect .(Don't get mad at me if I don't look at you,I'm not trying to ignore you here)

I remember one of my friends asked me why I wouldn't look at her all the time when she was talking to me ,I didnt know what to answer ,she thought I was never listening to her and lost in my little dream world but I was paying attention to every word that she said but I was looking away ,I must've looked impatient to leave or something cus she threw a fit .From that day forward I tried to brake this stupid habit of mine .I'm doing much better! ^_^
I mean if I could stare at my crush ,then I'm making goddamn good progress!

Moleman=bullshit
Was watching the 2002 grammy award...Well actually I only saw bits ,like when Enrique performed...Oh God !I wonder why he bothered hiring the musicians :we all know it was all prerecorded ,anyways maybe they were there to be pretty .*Pot de fleur* as I would call it ,meaning flower pots .Decorations .Usually I reserve that name to my brother's girlfriends but the name went well for them too .I mean common there was this guitar solo at one point and all the guitarist did was play a few cords or tapped on the guitar...And I don't think Enrique could sing two phrases at the same time???

I say goodbye and I choke

I saw spider man tonite,heehee it was good but they cut out a lot,and things were changed .Like the way spider man had his webbing .He was suppose to have web cadridges but in the movie his webbing was natural...Oh well that didn't ruin the movie but I think it could of been better ,I mean if it took ten years to prepare then I think the quality should be well much better .

I Try to walk away and I stumble

Today was an ok day...I was being stupid with Julian again .Not that I did it intentionally .I mean when I saw him this morning the first thing I though was *how could you not talk and ignore him for so long?Be nice...No really try!* So he approached he tried to be friendly ,but my stupid pig headed attitude came in again .*If your nice to him your showing him that you don't mind being treated the way he treated you*So I just agreed to what he said/Not say anything and got to my locker as fast as I could *what the Hell was that?*Oh well I guess I'm not over this stupid thing .Also not over what Max told me about what he said to him...Just give me time...I'll eventually forget .Poor guy he probably doesn't understand why I could be so peeved out about.

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you

If it weren't for Max I think I'd still be in my little fantasy world ,and still be liking Julian .I think I owe it all to Max for bringing me back to earth!
Hmm I feel like drinking coffee...

I keep my cool but I'm feeling,
I may appear to be free,but I'm a prisonner of your love
though I try to hide it,it's clear, my world crumbles when you are not there...

Have a new section...It's for my wacked out dreams .

I got scars all over my legs...I dunno how I got them ..Hmmm weird .You know what else is weird?The thought of having two little inuit brothers .Yep ,apparently some lady asked my mother to be the adoptive mother of F and T since she lost them in court .She was beating her husband,is half the time drunk when she comes to get her children and a crappy mother (five year old kid that can't speak,count,still uses diapers and bottles and has an extremelly bad temper)Yeah so I don't want them as my little brothers but I guess my opinion doesn't really count .If my mother takes them ,then I'm putting them through some intense training...Theyre gonna be the smartest ,most talented inuits they're will ever be!Muahahahaha!