Oye oye ,my brother used to do the same shit with me .He probably wasn't as bad as your brother though .
I think my brother could make a perfect actor ,he loves the spotlight (breaking and all)and he could pretend he's the perfect angel with my parents .Then when my parents would go out and it was only me and him he was unpredictable .I was scared shitless to be in the same room with him .The smallest thing would make him explode ,like when I'd sit on the same couch he would start screaming in my face and kicking me everywhere until I was on the goddamn floor .But the thing is I don't like to be over powered by someone else,I'm too proud to admit I'm weaker or wrong and each time I'd fall or get hit ,I'd tried to not cry get up and stare right at him smiling and say *oh I'm sorry but was that supposed to hurt?*,I must of looked like a real maniac cus he got really freaked out and threw any kind of objects and chairs at me (baby chairs) .When I was with him I felt like I was in a bootcamp and my brother was trying to break my spirit .I think he felt overpowered by everyone and he was trying to find someone weaker .Me .What he did built a real bad character in me ,I started hating my brother and everybody ,life (it was like becoming a vicious dog because its master beat it so much)I hated him so much I drew pictures of me slicing his head off (think youve seen one)I'd daydream myself killing him and all the different ways of killing him .
But I'm not mad at him anymore ,I think he had a little *haha little* problems and he was frustrated about life and he was taking it out on me .Not the best way but at least his anger is gone ,he's really nice with me and he apologized for the pain he caused and eventually I learn to forgive him and love him like I should of.I guess I was lucky that my brother woke up from his little frustration phase because it was hurting me and my brother himself ,i really don't know how to solve a problem like this ,maybe talk to your brother about it?(just make shure you have protection :a metal helmet if he blows up )

I'm thinking of changing my layout...But I'm too lazy...Harumph!

I looked at my jade ring and almost went mad .I saw my reflection ,staring straight back at me smiling ,but I wasn't smiling .Maybe my happyness is leaving my body .Maybe it's getting sucked in all of my prized posessions .Maybe to be happy you have to have own nothing .Maybe I have eye problems and it was all a trick of light...

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you

I'm sorry but why should I sleep early?I don't get it?I feel like more I grow old more my parents consider me as a baby...They used to let me out til one in the morning now it's frigging 11:00 not even !Why should I go to bed faking early ?I need some time off alone don't I ?I mean I come home straight from school everyday ,I go to sleep at 10:30 each night wake up earlier than everyone in the morning .Why should I sleep early on a freaking friday night ?

My tribute to the boys of my life

I'm so sorry to all the boys I turned down the way I did .I am so goddamn sorry to all the people I hurt in my tiny existance.I wish I never ignored you ,I wish I never bitched or avoided you the way I did because I wasn't intersted or actually because I was afraid of commitment .It was never because you weren't good enough for me .I was afraid of not being good enough for all of you .I'm afraid you saw another person than the real me ,afraid of disapointment.The way I behaved towards all of you was pretty immature of me and hopefully I'll be less than I was by admitting what I did was wrong on my site .

I miss him a lot.

You guys showed me what great friends you were by sticking by my side even after me acting like a jerk towards all of you .It showed me what good actually GREAT ppl you all are and it showed me what a great jerk I was .You must all think ,shure it's eazy to apologize but man she won't ever know the scar and pain she gave us .She doesn't know half the pain .well boys it's time for rejoicing, I do .And I know how it feels to get ignored because of something I did (which wasn't bad)It's a total undeserved punishment ,cus you guys didn't do anything wrong ,right?!Didn't our parents say it was good to love?
Anyways all that for apologizing on my immature actions that I can't erase ,I hope you can forgive me and if you can't well I guess I deserve it.

Yaheimer?
What's wrong with me?I really want to know what ,why I'm acting like a party pooper?

::In a field of thousands::
::there's only one that blooms::

My thinking with my heart instead of my brain always made me a loser in every situation .I'm all about feeling and not thinking .I lose in battles ,when I try not to hurt my opponent result: I get hurt,and lose .I suck at school ,but good in things I feel; painting is all about my feelings,my opinions, my status of mind ....Anyways I dunno what or how I'm feeling right now ,I'm too tired to find out .

My head is saying, fool forget him

But why am I feeling so down all the time?I remember in Haiti I was ,most of the time,happy ,cheerful, positive .Maybe my moods depends a little on the weather .Maybe that's why my parents bring me each year to a warm country .To see me being happy .When I'm in a tropical country I transform into someone else.I don't recognised myself ,heat is like a drug a stimulator .And when I take a step back from my life and take a long look at it ,I think who am I really?Who is me?Who is Lorah?Is she the one on the left sad ,thinking about everything and nothing ,negative, mean, selfish or the one on the right ,happy ,caring and living life by the day?Who am I,does anyone know?
How could they if I don't ?Am I a poser?Am I my brother?

My heart is saying ,don't let go

Charles told me something that made me confused when I was 13yrs old.He said I was the female replica of my brother .Not that I took it as an insult but I must of made a weird face so he started rephrasing and explaining what he said .He said that I was like my brother in many ways .He said I could take up any sports and within a month I'd be a pro at it *uh huh ,riiiight*,he said that I had potential...Potential,me?Lol!And he said I was beyond my years...Okay that was too much .He knew me since I was three ,by then he must of understood who I was...Not wise ,selfish ,negative, spoiled and last but not least IMMATURE !Ayeyayaii!Charles your hilarious .

Hold on to the end,is what I intend to do

Now let's go to a subject I've always wanted to talk about but never really found the right time (still didn't find it) or the right person to tell (still didn't him/her)or the right place(Is this it?)It's one of my taboo subjects I keep myself from talking because it's sounds so pathetic but I beleive in it so hard (just think of it as ppl with religions...Sometimes they are pathetic but ppl still beleive in them)Anyways I'm a very supersticious person (I freak when I open a stupid chainletter and don't send it to five ppl or more) So If your not supersticious and don't beleive in reincarnation and everything (you might wanna skip the next few paragraphs cus it'll sound like a load of bullshit.)

Anyways each time I go to Mauritius I go to the bouddist temples to pray for my granpa and we spend a whole night with our Popo or the wiseman .They like doing readings for their granchildren .And my brother and I being two of them gets a reading .Mine was to me ,interesting and reveiling .They said that in my lives .I live situations over and over again therefor I get alot of déjà vous/vu? They said I had a very sad love story in one of my past life.I was a deeply in love with a man and he liked me too,he was nice ,loving ,gentle ,a ladies man ya know?But he was from a family of nobles or some shit like that ,he could only marry what do you call those?Anyways someone his class .And I was only middle class ,and we weren't aloud to love and eventually I killed myself when I was sold by my parents to another man.Erm it's not a sad/tragic/love/dramatic story but hey if someone died in it ,it's sad to me.

deep down, I'm just a fool that's willing

Another thing they said ,I am somehow linked to my brother, dunno how but eh they are the profesionals .They said that before comming to life ,our spirit divided in three(maybe four?)Brain ,heart ,strengh (fourth=?)I'd say my brother was the spirit with the brain ,cus damn he's smart,he always get's himself out of shit .I'd be the one with the heart cus I'm soo sensitive ,always feeling and the third+fourth spirit are out there in the world .Apparently if we want to live life to the fullest we must find the other two .We will be complete!Oh God this is corny !

Baby don't worry,you know that you got me

Now that I think of it I remember Jerry's readings (Haha I'm not finished talking jiberish yet!)Jerry was my brothers psycho but really cool friend when he was in sec one .He was into weird stuff and seeing the future was one of them .I really admired and looked up too him at the time .He wasn't particuarly nice but I dunno ,I liked him .One day he came with his magik dices and he was bored so he decided to read my future .
He rolled them once,twice ,three times,four times fives time, six....
one was for my studies ,I will have a hard time in school ,failing and if I didn't want to I'd have to work my ass off ,more than anyone .
two was for friendship ,I will meet alot of friends ,but not be popular ,I will be loyal ,and alot of people will see that and might want to take advantage of that ,if I didn't want to be hurt I must learn to trust the right ppl...How?
three was for...family .Many family fights ahead for me .
five was for success, Jerry's readings were unclear about that one...Maybe it depends on me.
Six...six...was for love .I will not *love* anyone but have many lovers until I meet my *uh protector*(argg cornyyyy)

Here's the conversation we had when he had to babysit me one night and he read my future to bore me to death and make me fall asleep.

L:Protector?What's that?
J:...Weird ,a guy that will be your lucky charm...He will be like you in many ways... but not related of course .You've met him already ...I think when you were younger... Maybe you were born in the same hospital or sumthing...He has alot of things in common with you and you will meet again in a far away place and become close.Maybe soon or when your older like in 20 years...He will leave your life as fast as he came in many times but he will stay and protect you .
L:He'll die?
J:I don't know?!Do you think I could see everything?!
L:You see me?
J: ...Your not...Shut up kid and listen!...Something bad will happen...
L:He'll die?
J:Arg, something bad doesn't mean death !
L:Oh.
J:You might get in to a fight,I don't know something will seperate you,I'd say most probably someone that's jealous ...A friend will try to seperate you two because he/she lusts one of you .And if you/he beleives in your friends stories things will get ill between you two ,but in the end things will get back into place .
L:I like happy endings to love stories...
J:It might not be a happy ending in that way kiddo, I just said things will go back to normal but I didn't say you guys will get together .I just said he will protect you .So you/he might like each other but never end up together in that way and one of you will be sad .
L:Will I be sad?
J:Just shut up and be happy !Maybe It won't happen...
L:Can you read my future again .
J:No ,it'll ruin everything .
L:Oh.
J:dammit child,go to sleep now.
L:Goodnight.
J:I won't if you don't sleep!

...sometimes relationships get ill

I know this whole reading the future thing is ridiculous ,but it's something I beleive in .People sometimes do ridiculous things and this is one ridiculous thing I happen to do .I know it ,I can't deny it but i still do it .I don't beleive a stranger *like that jamaican lady on tv*I won't call her up and beleive what she says .I beleive ppl I trust such as my granny Popo ...I don't know about Jerry's reading but it was intriguing and up to now he was right about my grades,my family,my friends...but what about love?I hope not .I don't want to be miserable and tear a friendship apart because of love .And I wonder if I'll ever meet this protector of mine?How he looks like?Did I meet him already?What did he meant about lucky charms?(four leaved clovers?lepercauns?coins?rainbows?the cereal lucky charms?)Does it mean he will bring me luck ?What will he protect me from?Love itself?Aye I wish I had more details...

Baby don't worry about that,You know you got me

Muahahahaha... Lorah is in the shower (yet again, you damn clean freak) and she doesn't know I am posting here. So like she said, tonite is the show. Not just any show, LE SHOW! I am in 2 skits, wonderful no? Well anyhow, I love Lorah, haha... yes yes, she is my sexy bitch. Muahahahaha... So so so... you know who is sexy? Herve. Extreme greatness. Herve is hot hot hot.. yummmm! Oky, me go now, this was a little message by RENEE, queen of the universe. Actually, I am, I have a fanclub, the RFC with over 70 members! Wanna join? go to my site! Clicky! *mwah*

My mom only seems happy when she gossips with her chinese friends...

The show tonight ,I got three hours to prep up for it and look good...Not that I don't already^_^

I bitched at my mom for not letting me eat the macaroni that was in my fridge since friday...And you know what?She felt bad and gave me it ....I don't feel so good.Arg .

My aunt just left ,apparently I'm going to Toronto to see a concert...Bleh.

My last night here for you

*Sigh* it'l never be the same thing again .I know it ,and you know what ?It won't be his fault it'l be mine .Because I'm the one that doesn't want to see him or talk to him,I don't want to know him ,I don't want to hear him talk to me,don't want to hear his words his stupid compliments that aren't true ,I don't want to hear his voice address to me,I don't want him to look at me,I don't want to show him that I care or that I'm enjoying his presence,that he makes me happy .When someone rejects me once ,to me it gets printed clearly in my head in big black bold letters and it won't erase--it's permanant.No matter how many times someone will tell me they care ,no matter how many time he'll apologize of whatever they did,to me it'll be black lies ...It's forever .Each time he'll say sorry ,each time he'll say he cares or something nice it'll hurt cus i'll remember .Don't get me wrong I'm glad that he showed that he cared by forcing himself to talk to me but if talking to me is a burden then forget it .

no one will hear me sing this song

So this morning I was playing moments I had with him (see how crazy I'm about this stupid guy??)I was playing good times ,bad times--times I'd simply remember .If only my father knew I was doing that when he was trying to explain the la\w of kirchhoff ,he'd understand why I was giggling or about to cry .His right hand was trembling ,tht tremble I knew so well when I was being bad as a child ,it was my fathers warning to stop but I'd never get it and eventually get slapped in the face until I cried.So I closed my eyes ,grabbed one of my pant leg and clenched my teeth til they felt numb *Go ahead ,I'm not scared of you anymore* But he didn't slapped me ,he just went on with the explanation .He doesn't consider me as a child anymore...

When your on a holiday ,you can't find the words to say

What to say ,what to say .Wait what to start with ...I was painting when my aunt and mom left to go shopping without me *thank God I didn't go...I hate shopping !*I didn't do much and wasn't going anywhere cus I was replaying previous events in the morning ,in my head and laughing my ass off .Ppl walking on my street were all like *wtf??*Anyways other than that they were complimenting me and I was like why thank you!Heehee!Later Renée came by and told me to pick up my stuff cus were doing something with Nick, julian and ppl and I was was like ::Whattt?! No I don't wanna!HELL NO!But then I thought of my aunt comming back from the mall with all the *beautiful* clothes for me to wear that she lovingly picked out herself and I thought ::screw that ,I'm outta here .

When your on the golden sea,you don't need no memory

The first hours with him was just plain horrible .I didn't want to be there ,especially not with him so I was stuck in my little world and I think he was forcing himself to talk to me ,but I was completetly ignoring him .He was asking questions to me and I wasn't listening at all until Renée made me realise .After that I mellowed out, or tried to .I was still pissed at what he did and I wanted him to know that I didn't think what he did was right .I was hoping to shut him out of my life but there he comes in and pops out like nothing happened ,maybe I should do the same...Although I find it hard to do.How can he act so natural?

All the things that come to you ,you don't want to feel it too

Anyways I'm tired from all his thinking and acting like everythings fine *I'm real bad at acting* in front of him .Today was harsh but I guess we were gonna break the ice one day or another ...Things will never be the same .

Don't have to stay with someone that makes you cry

*mwuhahahaha* I had my revenge! *MWUAHAHAHA*I'm sane again !I'm me again! I don't need anyboys whatsoever!I'm me! I'm smiling! I'm giggling!ok I'll stop now I sound like a crazy maniac .I came ,I saw and laughed my ass off.

You'll end up killing all the love you have inside

Now le'ts talk about serious matters...
I came back home from school ,my aunt rushes to see me .Looks at me crooked actually she looks at my clothes crooked.For years now she tried to change my style of clothes ,for years she told me I dress like a boy,for years she gave me tight skanky pants that I never wear .Erm oh excuse me *feminine*clothes .Hey I don't mind ppl that wear another style that I might not have cus that's none of my business .Girly clothes might look cute on the girl next to me but not on me .That stuff, it's not me so I don't wear it .If you like it fine ,wear it but don't make me wear it too .I wear for confort ,I'm not gonna spend 30 minutes in front of my closest to see what I'll wear to wow the boys and get all the attention .It'd be pretty sad to have a boyfriend cus he likes the clothes u wear *skanky clothes* or not wanting to be friends with this girl cus she can't dress for shit...That very person may be the coolest person you'd ever meet but you didn't talk to her/him cus of her fashion sense? Puh-lease!
I asked another girl once ,why she hated this one girl and her answer was :*I don't like her clothes*It was really pathetic cus she really didn't like the other girl and she was wasting all of her energy hating the other girl instead of seeing what a great person that girl was ,plus the other girl didn't know why the girl hated her but she didn't go all sad.She was like *ok this girl doesn't like me ,I dunno why but eh who cares ill let her in her little world of madness and go on with my life*So the girl didn't give a damn and the other one was ruining her time at staring crooked silly, being pissed and what not .
Hating ppl ,being jealous,resenting or just being plain negative cus ur life is shit and you want others to feel your pain is truly a waste of time and energie .Your sending negative vibes that are gonna push ppl away and attract the wrong kind to you .You'll go deeper in you shit ,your gonna get confortable and your gonna spread shit on ppl you love .You'll be miserable cus your friend is miserable,cus his friends friend is miserable and then the whole goddamn planet is gonna go depressed .I have a friend that talks about her problems to me ,I'm like good you got threw the first step you realised there was a problem there but now,what are you gonna do about it?Found the solution?She looks at me like *Oh my god ,solution?What the hell is that?*or she comes back with a negative slolution *I'm gonna kill myself* I try to help her ,she repeats the problem ,I suggest me helping her ,no I'm not good enough -Fine ,I suggest her solution ,but theyr'e all no good...And then I get sad .What can I do to help her if she doesn't even want to listen?Should I get the psychologist?No ...They don't help all that much ,and I hate them myself .And that's what I call swimming in your shit ;telling other ppl your problems but you don't listen to them...Does that mean you like it there?Do you enjoy seeing ppl pity you and they tell you what to do but never do it?I don't understand you ,but I'd like to help you somehow...

You can find the love you need if you set your heart free

Anyways just to say ,people should try not to be quick of judgement on others ,nobody likes it ,why do you do it? It hurts and it hurts yourself .It makes you look like an ass/stuck up bitch and ppl will try to avoid talking to you because they will think your evil .

So let me come to you ,as close as I want to be

Youch !I think I depressed all my readers (All of them wrote to me about how touching my blogthing was and that they felt terrible for encouraging my liking the guy) And I say *no no ,don't be stupid ,I'm just Lorah ;these sort of things they don't affect me all that much or for a long period of time *And I must say once again what I emailed kk ::I might be soft and mushi-mushi on the outside but inside oulala I'm one tough chica loca *not that I'm bragging about being strong...not that I know what chica loca is...*

close enough to you.To hear your heart beating fast

*Little poem time*

Today,
Friday,
With Renée,
I painted,
I skated,
I went wild,
Today ,Friday .
I smiled .

And I though I saw you smiling...Was it real or just my fantasy?

But common now ,you guys seem more depressed about this whole thing than I really am !Don't be sad ,be glad!Lol I'm using the glad motto .Me Lorah have been through much MUCH worst than this little heart break .I've been immunized against this kind of thing !Of course I might get a little hurt for a while but you now what?Shit happens and you can't avoid all the morrons in this big world!Besides he's not on my mind 24/7~So I tripped and fell down ,what now ?Cry ,whine, pout?No that's not gonna get me anywhere it'l just annoy the ppl of my surrondings, I'm gonna get up slowly and continue my life .
Just put this situation on the bright side .It helped me see what he really was ;a person you shouldn't take seriously ,a person that compliments someone else so naturally he doesn't even realise it and the other person might think he's interested and a person that's not mature enough to be involved with someone else .Imagine if we really got together ,he couldn't carry half my burden so uh we'd both be miserable and that is not what I want,I don't want my friends to be sad.Which brings me to another subject ;please don't pity me,it makes me feel so vulnerable like I can't handle the situation and I'm dependant .(I'm not saying don't pity me at all here,just pity me at the right amount *heehee*)

So that's that ,now we part but til we meet again ,merrymeets and feel free to call me your friend...hey cool that rimes!
I love you all (hugs and kisses)
...thanx for caring...

You broke my record ,you broke my heart ,

I'm so gonna get over this dude no matter what .He really isn't worth it ;shure hes cute ,sensitive, sweet ,caring ,funny ,sportsy ,cool and the list goes on but I dunno hes so outta my league .plus theres like ten thousand other chicks after him so no .I'm too lazy for competition .Yes I am not gf material and i don't deserve him so that's what I'm trying to do ...Get over him...somehow ....BESIDES HES A GODDAMN STUPID IDIOT BAKA!

Now It's in pieces ,you tore it apart

I wonder...Why the Hell do I care so much? He's totally what I'm NOT looking for...No offense to him but still ,that kind of guy *immature ,spoiled and oh god so many other things*is not what me is looking for ...I like the quiet ones,the ones that have talent but eh I guess I can't categorize what I like/hate .It would be wrong .I can't say I like 'this' and 'that's' the way it is ;because I hate my brother's pride but I still like him .No wait crappy exemple .I hate talking to ppl but er like to be the center of attention... Oh shit that was crappy too .Ah goddamit I HATE HOW IM FEELING ABOUT THIS GUY CUS IT"S MAKING ME A BIG STUPID BAKA ...But I love the feeling...Is that good enough?

You broke my record ,you tore it apart

So now he knows ...Wait he already knew ...Everybody knows ...do I know?Wait !Of course I do! It hit me at some point...When? I dunno... Oh yeah !it started off with denial, back then everything was just fine .My friends from Haiti asked me if I liked this stupid morron .And I said no he was just a friend .Everything was fine ...yep fine...My friend... Just a friend ,besides he's a guy ,and I promised myself never ever to fall for anyone ever again before ,it happened .Just a friend .Someone I'd talk to .Just a guy that talked to me and I'd listen and that was that ,it didn't go further than there. A guy ,a girl .A promise that popped in my head each time my friends would pop up the question I hated the most *Do you like him?* But the promise had it's effect for some time being .Each time we'd hug ,each time sumthing wed say would suggest being closer than friends,each time I'd think about him ,each time .I would back off ,take some time alone and think *this is stupid,why am I seeing something else than reality?I CAN"T LIKE someone else in that way ,I'm not aloud ,stop thinky like this!Your not aloud! (smacks herself) *O.k. you guys reading this ,might all be like what the fuck is wrong with this stupid pmsed bitch?Why can't she like someone? Well let's just say I didn't have the best experience with boys and liking boys that deeply =big time taboo!


So here I am all alone ,sitting there in the dark

So time moved as calm as the sky but quick as the thunder and without realizing I was back home .Home ,home...Will things be different?Will we all forget each other(everyone in Haiti)Well we all seperate and have normal lives again?Sort of .I had a pang in my heart .I was like *hmm?What's this,something's missing?Strange...*
went to a few parties ;saw him ,talked to him a bit ,cheered up a bit ,got sadder...a bit.*Just a friend...everythings fine.Perfectly fine ,not aloud,friend ,everything ,fine taboo,*
and then one of my friends saw me ,there ,thinking .Let's call her J.
J:Lorah...Come ..your not enjoying the party?
L:Huh?Party?Oh yeah heehee I'm a lil out of it aren't I?
J:You look sleepy...are you ok?
L:I'm always like that!(sleepyhead)didn't you notice
J:Uhh...really?No I didn't..
L:Well you go and dance ,Ill catch up later.
J:...ok
L:(smiles)
J:you call that a smile?What's wrong with you?You don't seem to enjoy this party?
L:Oh I do .(smiles again)
J:shure?
L:shure.
By then something was wrong with me .That's when I knew something was defenatly wrong with my behaviour and keeping it in is somethin I always do until I burst out to someone.My friends found out about my *liking* this boy when my former roommate said she was shure I had something for him and there was no denying it .I just looked at her like a fish stares at the glass deforming its reflection creating a buzz for it .I turned seven shades of red and looked, gritted my teeth ...*I'm going to smack her in back of the head until she goes blind .*She laughed hopped around the table .Wispered it,said it ,screamed it out loud .So basically everyone knew .

That tragic day,you broke my RCA

Hey I can't go around saying I don't love him but I'm not in love with him .If I could just go back in time I think I would of tried not getting too close to him .See now ,that he knows and all he's not talking to me and avoids looking at me and I shut the hell up and lose myself in my little own dream world where I'm protected from harm, when he comes around ,and I'm sad .Sad ,sad in both ways .I feel like I lost something .Not a love interest but someone whom I thought cared about me ,what do you call those?Friends?I dunno what he was to me but I know he was something .At least that's what I'm thinking .
When I cross him sometimes he looks so normal ,like nothing bothers him and nothing happened...What was I to him?Does he even care?Was he just being nice to me in Haiti cus he saw I had problems ,and it was just in his good nature to listen to my bullshit ?Was I a friend or another patient he was trying to cure?

you’ll never feel bad anymore...

QUEBECCCCCCCCCCC J'AIME LE QUEBECCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [song made by Renee] I rule. Renee that is. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am everywhere, EVERYWHERE! No really.. Lorah is taking her shower, so I'm filling in for her. La la la... ooh go to my site! Hmm.. using Lorah's site for publicity, muahahhaa. 420 is tomorrow... party!

What the hell ?he wont even look at me !I'm starting to think he's a big fat pussy and he can't face facts .If you don't like the way I act then tell me to my face... idiot (of course I'm gonna get hurt and all that crap but then itll be OVER and we could all MOVE ON..godfakingdammit).Anyways I'm really pissed right now .*I'm a real pet peaved deranged pet !*as would say Karen ...AND I DON'T LOOK LIKE A STUPID CARTOON CARACTER!!Argg .~Anyways I just washed my hair and it smells lovely and its perty too .If you don't like it well YOUR GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!So um you know what to do . ~_^
Ahh were gonna do *sumthing* this saturday! *420*heehee ,well the others are all gonna do something while I sit back and relax .I think I'm gonna take some of my *happymakers*while theyre at it ,since I can't ahem anyways I'm wearing my silky pjs :so very nice,silky and smooth ^_^

Today ...I'm too tired for talking about today .

Love sucks...Actually infatuation sucks...Didn't I say this before already?

It's cool that you enjoy seeing your mom happy .I never seen mine smile for more than five minutes .Shes always screaming ,sulking,getting pissed,bitching at the kids here ,so she has not much time for my brother and I .When all of the kids go back home shes either working on something else ,helping out drunk clients with their little *problems* they made up so they could pay my mom later or she slumps down on the couch turning on the tv and falls asleep .I wonder what my mom is trying to do of her life?We aren't desperate for money ,my dad said she could stop working years ago so why does a little lady like her takes care of 5 babies that weight two times more than her everyday?At first she started babysitting cus she wanted my brother and I to make many friends ,I think it turned out more of a lesson :Don't hang out with these type of ppl ,they take advantage of ur *goodness*.Anyways maybe thats her point of life :working her ass off until she get's ill .

I think it's cool to see someone that tries to make her/his mom happy ,no matter how strict,stupid, annoying and so on .When I try ,I make her more mad (I have black humour)So I just back off and lend her my room when she needs to put a baby to sleep in there .Sometimes I feel like shes babysitting me and the kids are her children .Ah well thats just me .Anyways I'm glad you make ur mum happy or that shes happy .I mean how can you be happy if the ppl around you aren't?Maybe that's my problem :My family isn't happy .Well my brother ,my mom and I anyways .

Well I promised Rosa I'd reply to her blog thingy for about two days now so I think Ill do it now.

Oye I saw Van Wilder too.

skiderinky dinky doo skiderinkidoo ,I love you
Oh man .Yesterday was the most vedgiest ,the most blah day there was but it turned out ok since I was with renee and we tried to find something to do .We ended up going to the park ,and it was raining, and went on the swings .Afterward I came back home drenched from the rain and my dad was about to talk to me and I remembered how fussy he was to keep the house clean and I was all wet so I ran out saying I had to take a walk .So there I was out in the cold wet rain .Yep what to do now?First I didn't know where I was going cus i was looking at the ground amased by the number of worms that I could easily squish in one step .The record was six for one step .It was crazy!
I saw a big fat ugly one (and long) and I baptised it inuitkid !
And after I realised I was at the end of my street nearby my brothers really cute friend.*Oye*which I saw *OYE*and we talked; I felt so dumb .

F:Hey Lorah ,whats up!?
L:uh nothing.You?
F:Just came back from C's house.We jammed all night .were making a C.d.
L:Nice....
F:Aren't you gonna catch a cold in the rain like that?
L:(looks at the sky)Oh will you look at that...It's raining!
F:Uh...Are you ok?What are you doing here?
L:I don't know ...Looking for worms I guess .
F:(laughs)You and your brother are so weird.
L:Hehe (I feel like a dumbass)
F:Anyways I don't want to go interupting your worm hunt so ill cya later .
L:tchow.(me and my goddamn stupid mouth)

I love you in the morning and in the after noon,I love you in the evening and underneath the moon!
Well right now there's nothing to do .I just got into another daily fights with my mom about how I always attack her and I thought ,maybe I do reply alot to her dumb out of no where comments ,but maybe she has a problem too .Maybe I always attack cus I'm moody and have something more important in my mind than hearing stupid remarks and maybe she always feels attacked cus she has something on her mind too .Arg anyways moms and daughters always fight....Right?....Right...Ppl??

Skiderinkydinky doo skiderinkydoo I love you!
Well I gotta get prepared now cus I have lots to do today .(sort of)I hafta go to my school to help out again and I have a science session with my dad...Yuky.

I am sascapou ,I am sascapou ,everything I do is because of you
Tired. Sick. Sad. Disapointed. Pissed. Bitchy. Mad. Insane. ill. Bored.

Don't feel like typing .

NOOO! Barney invaision!Argg ,somebody kill me !If I hear that stupid i love you,you love me song I'm gonna go mad!

eveybody has a bad day
Got back home from my bad day at school .Bad why?Cus some stupid fat inuit baby decided to wake me up at 5 a.m. this morning jumping on my bed .I pushed it off and it fell flat on the floor and started screaming and crying .All Hell broke loose .My brother woke up screamed at me ,so did my mom and my dad was cranky and didn't want to drive me to school .
So I stormed off to school and Chantal tells me she wants to redo the poem by herself cus 80% isn't good enough *Oh god!*,but then if she has to do it on her own so do I .Arggg I hate talking in front of the fucking class for nothing ,and now I have to do it again by my self .You don't know how much I hate doing oral presentations .I hate talking in front of the class.Teachers often think I'm uniterested or don't know the answers but I do but I hate talking in front of the goddamn class .
After I had math and I didn't understand the Hell was going on .I could see phrases on my papers jumping and turning .I couldn't read them cus they were running away from me so I tried to catch them but I was too fucking slow ,So I'm like fuck it ,I'm going to sleep .Then Kris comes in the class and he pinches me and I start screaming like a maniac .Luckily nobody hears me cus theyre all yakking about how theyre going to get so drunk on the weekend and what not .Kris continues pinching me and I start yelling *I got my goddamn periods god fucking dammit!Pinch your own flab!*I go back to sleep I feel like I'm gonna crack ,this isn't a good day at all ,but maybe that's because it's that time of the month!

I played badmington in gym today.Oh how I hate that stupid sport .I had to play against *sheep girl* and apparently she was losing ,but I wouldn't know cus I dunno how to play the stupid game by the rules and she was confusing me with her made up on the spot rules,and she was making herself win .Damn you stupid ignorance of mine!

Wow, I was reading one of my friend's post on her blogger (which was sort of a response for my post *feels like sunday*)And I feel...better! It's great to hear that for once
one of my friends aren't siding with brother's like more than half my friends in Canada .I guess because she and my other friend Meli knows some stuff my brother make me live everyday.

Those two friends ,I must be honest here ,are still two of my closest friends and I think no matter how far they are or how little we talk to compared to some of my close friends I see everyday, will always be two of my best friends .Why ?Cus they earned my trust .Cus I felt like they understood the shit I was going threw,or if they didn't they just listened .

Whenever I speak about whats on my mind these days I feel like the people ,it's not that they don't care about me but they don't want to hear whats wrong with me, they don't want to hear or see a dark side in ppl .Just be happy all the time .I feel like those ppl ,are good friends, but as long as they won't want to hear what I have to say they don't know me and they won't earn all of my trust .It will be harder for them to be my friends ,because I don't trust anybody I meet just like that, I think I can say that Iv'e been traumatised and I'm still recovering from some events I lived threw and because of that I'm very cautious towards strangers even if they are close to someone I trust,I'm a paranoid freak (ppl say I have eyes behind my head) and I tend to distance myself from guys that might turn into my crushes (Poru got mad at me many times last year cus I wouldn't hug him *he though I didn't like him *).Ppl if I don't talk to you it's cus I don't want to get hurt again .Not cus u suck and I don't want to be your friends .Ppl that don't want to hear about others ppls problemsmight become ignorants about what revolves around them .Like the countries that live in poverty they have problems ,a lot of problems if all the countries was full of ppl like some of my friends then who would help the poor country?No one!Cus we'd be all happy in our little world thinking that everybody is great,happy andtrustworthy.

Anyways I'm glad I met My friends Ro. and Meli cus I guess they aren't scared of hearing stuff,I guess they probably heard worse or are used to it . They earned my trust and each time I had something that troubled me I'd tell them eventually without hesitating or feeling bad .Now when I need to blow my load of crap I try to restrain myself and keep it for my artbook or just keep it in ,cus when I talk about my bad days or my past to my friends they all look at me like I'm some sorta freak trying to ruin their *good* day or they side with the other person in my story pretending it was my fault *Like if I had a fight with my brother* they would say :It's probably not hes fault YOU probably provoked him Lorah !And then ignore me or pat me on my head and start talking about something else,I feel like screaming (YEAH well YOU know what FUCK??My brother fucking picks on me even when I didn't do anything!He beats me when he has a bad day and it hurts!!!When you throw a chair at your little sister for nothing I think theres a problem!) .But I can't say they don't listen all the time .I must recognised that when I start crying they start listening ,but the thing is I don't feel like crying each time I feel like talking about my problems for them to listen to me .

Friends like Meli and Ro are great friends that I have ,you don't know how lucky and thankful I am for meeting them .They made me laugh ,they listened to me,they made me feel like I didn't need to put up with all the shit my family makes me live threw sometimes .AND I TRUSTED THEM!Take that!HARUMPH!But it doesn't mean I don't love my other friends !
Channy and Renée are good friend ,they listen to my problems they make me feel good bout myself,make me laugh and happy.Except that it takes me more time to open up to them ,I guess I don't want them to think I'm a wussy although they now I am and they sometimes tease me about my paranoia, but I still loved them very much and I'm glad I met them too!They taught me how to hug... strange thing to do but it's fun...Especially when hugging a cute boy *sigh*.
I hope I can become a great friend like meli and ro were to me ,to my other friends.Cus friends are important.

I was just listening the radio and was chanel surfing randomly and I hear a song what sounded like one of the s club 7 songs ,don't remember the title but anyways it wasn't, it was some french pop girl that had the s club backround music in her song but she changed the words and sang in french and that made me mad ,not because I'm a
s club 7 groupie but because I can't stand ppl that rip off other ppls hard work !I hope s club 7 sues her little pounthang ass if ever they hear her song .
I'd rather hear a song already made being redone (no change of lyrics and instruments though) by another singer than hearing a part of a song that's been done but derformed or perverted . I really don't see the point of taking away someone's hard work and *making few ajustments* to it because ;

1.)Even though what ever you *reajusted* wether it's a song ,a painting or clothes becomes more popular than the original ,you will never feel satisfaction...Cus u didn't make it did you?All you did was copy someone else's creation and changed it.SHHHAAAMEE ON YOU BITCH!You are going STRAIGHTTTT to HEEEEELLLLL!
2.)You get sued...And for good reason.BITCH!
3.)You might get popular but when ppl learn what you did people start wondering what you really are .POSER BITCH!
4.)Your lazy turd ass might get popular and go way up but then after whatcha gonna hafta do to stay up??Eh?Eh?BITCHHHH.
5.)EVERYTHING!(bitch)

The other day I saw Max do a similar thing .He drew on my artbook a happy face with pins stretching his mouth to make it smile .Nothing wrong with that no?WRONG!Dave some guy in my class has a shirt with that smily face (but better of course) I was horryfied .*GET THAT SHIT OFF MY ARTBOOK UR DIRTIN IT U FFACE!*
Alright maybe my reaction was too...Exagerated with something so small cus Max wasn't actually gonna sell that drawing and use it as his own trademark .But still
I was shoked that he seemed like he was used to do it .*WHAATT?SO WHAT IF I COPY???DUH EUX DUH(IM SO STUPID)EVERYBODY DOES IT.DON'T YOU?*I was even more choked...How dare he insinuate I don't think up my drawings,how dare he NOT think up his OWNS!Argg u bastard!You know maybe it doesn't matter now but when you grow up and have your own companie if you work like you are now then youll be losin MORE money than wining cus youd be too busy getting sued by some other damn companie than trying to sell your crap .

My dad is traumatising the kids....So is my brother.

Strange feeling someone is looking at me
I ain't used to time change ! Had to sleep one hour earlier ,
wake up earlier ,go to school earlier, work earlier ,hear the
little inuit kid Alakouanne whine earlier !

::A poem for the people who cares::
I might of sounded a little negative in my previous post .
It was just an establishment about my defaults
not myself entirely .And I do love myself but just not enough to my likings .
I'm not depressed it's just an outburst of anger comming
right out of my heart, not my brain.
Just wanted to say I was perfectly sane.
And that I will be for long ,a living .
Because my jealousy against the person
I love the most is giving me a point in life,a reason
to persue my dreams and goals, so please don't go worrying
about me ,
cus oh screw this poem it's so goddamn corny

Feels like Sunday to me

My father and I were in conversation about me and my personality .Somehow he ended up saying that I might have this problem .That I think that I should be something, something greater or better than I really am ,and because of that I'm ashamed of myself .Am I ?I dunno if I'm ashamed but it is true that I think I should be more than I really am and I'm mad at myself but shame ?Bleh ...All the time people praise me for my art work *except for Max* and I feel the only person who's right about me is Max .Each time he sez that he likes one of my drawings he looks like hes really really forcing himself not to crack .The only one who is right about me is those who say negative things about me that's how I feel .Like when my mother sez I'm the worst of the family .It might sound harsh at first but when I think back and think what did I ever do to be the best ?Nothing !Who was the one who won gold medals all the time ?My brother!...All I won was silver, bronze or a stupid "ruban rouge"congratulating me for my *good participation*.Who was the one won in breakdance competions,the one with the musical talent ,the one with the more than excellent grades without working hard or working overtime ,the one with a sense of humour,the one with the humonguous potential , the one who had no trouble making friends ,the one the parents prefered ,the one who looked good without doing anything or caring ;no need for makeup ,no need for nice clothes ,no need for caring about the stupid hair that's uncontrolable,the one who always finds creativity for art, the one that was actually positive about the outlooks on life, the one who's actually able to call himself talented?Not me...My brother .
Me and my brother both had at a certain point a close friend that died .Guess who consoled who ?My brother consoled me and I hated it .Guess who didn't know the words to say when they learned that their siblings friend died?Me and I hated it even more . If ever my brother died I would be sad (of course I love him very much!) but most of all I would be mad .Mad because I was never able to beat him at something, anything !!The day I'm better than my brother at doing something (other than being some loser)Itl be my moment of pride, my glory .I'll finally have my own spotlight other then my brothers shadow or a left over beam of light from my own brothers spotlight .But I don't know ,maybe I'm fighting a lost battle .

And I hate it when people take pity on me ,I hate it when my BROTHER pities me .I could see crouds of people comming,when I was about 6 or 7 yrs old, looking at him admiringly, they loved him ,looking at his paintings ,at his works ,his sketches ,his drafts and I felt really left out ,my brother saw that and told the croud to look at my drawings too *pretending I was better.* The croud went over to me .Looking at my little boring dogs and cats ,pretty good for my age but not enough for them .After that people said my brother was *modest* ,*courteous*and so nice for sharing his glory with me .


People when they look at me quickly ,at my face ,my tastes, my hobbies .Their faces illuminates in excitment and they wisper to one another :See that?She is just like her brother ,those kind of children will grow into leaders ,they are full of talent, great potential and loyalty,good natured and peacable and so on .But take a secound look and they start saying to themselves that maybe they were quick of judgement ,I'm over rated because of my brother's actions and accomplishments .They see a broken mirror reflecting my brother's image ,less perfect then ever .Like if I'm a copy of him but deformed and perverted .


The only time I feel proud of myself is when people that really knows me put me at the same level as my brother ,and just to tell you dearies ,that has and probably never will happen to me ever, unless that person pities me ,which I hope will not happen .I am jealous ,I am negative ,I am the rotten tomato and I can take it and swallow the negativity put I can't keep it in .Such a bad bouddha .


I guess that the creator saw that my brother Marc was the yan and to attain a perfect balance a yin must be created ,me Laura .the positive and the negative .The man and the woman .No I'm not implying that the woman is negative but just to make a remark on the contrasts between us two .The yin yan .

Ah I forgot about time change today .I was suppose to go to school at ten to continue my drawing for *the show*and Ms. Synnet called me at what I thought was nine but really was ten .I rushed to school on my rollerblades only to find myself without my sketch of what I had to do at home .So I rollerbladed back home ,grabed a danish and a coke found my drawing with the little inuit brothers (they were about to make it *better*)and rollebladed back to school .All that in ten minutes .
When I came back home (1oclock)I was tired and called chaniboo .I just finished my paratas spicy and sweet .Yummy! ^_^

I feel bleh...I'm not aloud out bcus my parents said so...Think I'll sneak out tonight and take a little walk .Walks always make me feel better .

*Quiz time*
Name: Lorah
Birthday: May 13th
Gender: girl
Sign: taurus
Music: I listen to pretty much everything but I enjoy most clint eastwood ,weezer ,Bob Marley ,system of a down
Movies: Ice age !
TV shows: futurama ,the family guy
Likes: food ,cute boys ,summer ,swimming in the ocean ,spicy stuff ,sweet stuff ,friends ,television ,computer games ,RPG's ,sunsets ,palm trees ,candy ,chomomacolate ,
cute not whiny kids (hey i like kids...just not the ones my mom babysits)music ,comfy beds and cute thangs such as cute boys *sigh*,puppy eyes ,puppies (I want one),coco beach & sugar beach ,funny people ,friendly people ,mountains ,puffy clouds ,blue skies , midnight walks ,caring ppl ,chinese long breadsticks ,chicken bao ,rice ,cool guys .
Cartoon: Powerpuff girls ,Patlabor ,futurama ,the family guy ,
My Motto: as long as it's food
Color: GREEN
Dislikes: sour stuff ,yuky food ,swamps ,babies' parents that are irresponsible ,that weird grey thing thats been conceived in an icecream pot somewhere in my fridge ,ppl that impose on my life ,parents on a bad day ,my naivety,mean ppl okay there's a lot of times where i am mean but i dun like those mean snitches that don't even know u and they look at u like ur sum kinda piece of dipshit ok I'll stop here there's too many things I dislike in life that I'll sound like sum negative old frock .
Dream: Eating yummy stuff for the rest of my life ,finding innocence again (weird i know),being a reknown artist,being better than my brother at sumthing..ANYTHING!
Sad Confessions:
~I'm a sick sad child
~I like playing with the kids toys
~I like sad love/love songs...alot
~I tend to overplay my favorite songs
~I regret being mad at my friends...Even if I was right
~I'm a total sucker for compliments *I eat them up like brownies*
~I am stupid.

*Unibunny in the crayola factory*
Renée just left my house .We went to Willy wobble's party yesterday night and it was fun, he was so gone sume were too but he was by far the one that was most one ,then Renée slept over at my house and we went to "the show" auditions in the morning and I have to go back tomorrow morning again at nine or ten apparently .Fun fun fun...bleh .I was suppose to go at Julie's party tonight but it's not that I didn't feel like it...actually I didn't but I was about to go cus Renée is going but when I asked my mum she said no .I had to catch up on my lost time in science .Oh well .I mean I feel bad cuz not alot of ppl are going, some are but outta pity but arg I dunno .I can't go and at least ,not like other ppl, I have a reason .
Anyways I got my cam ready ,so I'm ready to start some serious filming .Yeah baby yeah!! Oh man I think I'm gonna get a job so I can buy I knew camera .Mine's so old! It's been with us since the 1990's! I bet they don't sell em anymore .

Oh how I love taking quizzes !

Why isn't my posts showing...

erm

wow so true...My parents don't hate me though ,they hate my personnality cus i'm annoying but still it's sorta true .

Take the What Johnny the Homicidal Maniac character are you? quiz!

*Mash potater mash potater*
Ah damn I just remembered I had to sit threw french class because of stupid max ,actually more because of the little accueil freaks but I blame it on Max cus...Its only Max !
Here's why :I'm part of deco murale *Me and a bunch of pimples painting for our cafeteria wall*.And we were supposed to miss secound period ,which was french for lil ol me to finish our painting thingamajigger BUT BUT BUTTTTT Max said the teacher cancelled it for the stupid recuperation with accueil! Can't they do anything right??They play soccer in the hallways with basketballs fine but screw up in arts class???How can they manage that?
Oh and the kids are watching Barney the dinosaur...This time they are cultivating *beautiful* flowers and Barney is picking out the bad evil weeds and mushrooms...wonders what he's gonna do with them later !(*hey Barney what are u doing with those mushrooms?* *I uh... am trying to make my imagination better! *)I really hate that show...I wonder how can my precious little girl AlakouAnne can like it ??The poor child ,brainwashed in her most tender years .She will never know innocence ! *sigh*

Rosa came to school today and I was so facking happy .I had the stupid goofy grin plastered on my face ( the one I can't whipe off,which usually appears when I'm with someone thats hot or someone I haven't seen for the longuest of times )I swear i was giggling like a little school girl and Jackie thought I was stoned .I DIDN"T SMOKE UP JACKIE I SWEAR !
My mum is babysitting the lil indian dude again *Bruwnie or le petit boudin brun in french*He is so funny when u poke him in the belly .(He starts doing these weird like sounds and his eyes deform into terror .)

somethings wrong with blogger

Apparently i'm in the RFC aka renée fan club ,number 28 to join .

When I came back home ,the first thing I though was ::"Ok bitch ur gonna sit ur fat ass down ,open ur faking agenda ,actually look what there is to do it and DO IT!! No matter how hungry u are for food or how much the fatbabies cheeks tempt u to pinch til they go red .Ur gonna FINISH ur damn hw for once! no wheazling ur fat ass out of this one !!"Result ::Here i am listening to Laurin Hill *everything is everything*,drinking coke and eating chips,chocolates and popcorn ( which lured two inuit kids in the room (which I pinch their cheeks occasionally...Oh one of them is crying....Hold on lemme put a plastic bag over it's head....There.) ),on the internet chatting and blogging .
sometimes I wonder...Am I gonna get a job with my working attitude?Probably not or probably not a good salary one .

Plus i have so much hw to do...okay I better shut up and get my ass to wotk instead of complaining .Bye .

Well well well,the inuit kids are being stupid again .I got E.T. the extraterrestial and was watchingit until they decided it was too scary.Oh God, bunch of little morrons .My mom got mad at me and sent me up here *in the computer room* where my activities won't disrupt anyone .Now they are playing some gay ass faget Barney movie that isn't educational and too me is ten times more scarier ( a giant purple dino that enters little kids houses out of the blue ,runs away each time the parents come by and feeds the kids *magical candy* to have a better imagination ...Hmmm sounds like hes drugging the poor *little* 20yrs old kids on the show ) !
Geez kids these days !What the hell is a matter with them ?They don't show any respect for the elders ,they start smoking at what 7?And they are dumb...I blame the crappy t.v. show they play now. What happened to popples ,the muppet show ,transformers ,rainbow brite ,cops the animated serie ,captain planet...actually I didn't like captain planet that much but what about Denver tha last dinosaur and sesame street?Actually that still plays but they *modified it* to be more suitable for the viewers.Instead of the cookie monster it's the veggie monster ever since a parent complained her kid ate too much cookies and was fat .Ppl are so desperate for money or have nothing better to do then to sue other ppl for just about nothing. U can turn the t.v. off lady and ur kid won't watch it and go out and play in the sun just like we used to in the old days! Maybe that's why ur kid is going flabby ,NOT ENOUGH EXERCISE! *people PEOPLE what the hell is wrong...mumble mumble*

What is your meaning of life?

Forgot to tell you this but yesterday was unibunny day!Unibunny was born on Easter so now I'm four yrs old in unibunny years .Hurrah pour moi!

::So many boys so little time::
I skated yesterday night with Renée ,lets just say we aren't pros but hey we were starting *ahem* to get the hang of it .We decided it's our mission for this summer too come ;know how to skateboard around Dorval without looking like total blatant idiots .That's right ,and were gonna accomplish it just like our many other summer quests-Last year we had to find a gay friend cus gay boys are cool .well i found one at my summer school and yep he was cool and hot...damn....always the cute ones eh? another
thing I'm going to do with Renée ,when were 18 yrs old ,were gonna take a trip to Europe WALKING well er not always but yeah sorta .Now if I can only let my parents to let me...I don't think they will but erm I'll be 18 so I'm free to do whatever I like ,no?

I should have my quiz section cus I have too many quizzes .I luv em .

Take the Concubine Quiz at Scared Ducky!

Which Rainbow Brite kid are you? By Growing.